I am first generation; it’s a daily life thing. For me, it's like this tweet I saw and related so much to, it said, “Alright first generationers, what lie are we going to tell our parents today to not hurt them?” My life is constantly trying to make sure my mom is on the same page, but we are never going to be on the same page because we live in different worlds. We grow up and we are expected to be like them, but it’s hurtful because, this is America. This is being Mexican in a new era.
For me middle school was my toughest year in finding myself. My middle school was predominantly white. I was starting to become attracted to people outside of my ethnicity. And I started noticing that they weren’t into me. I often wondered,“What am I lacking? What will it take to be noticed?” When I should’ve been asking myself, “What was it that made me different?” I didn’t have blonde hair, colored eyes or a house in the Alameda neighborhood. It was an eye opening experience for sure, fitting and finding my value was tough. At the time I didn’t notice that it was a good difference, because I wasn’t like them.
Entering high school, I was put into a new environment where it was okay to be Latina, Mexican, or Brown. I came to high school with my peers being more open minded. Interracial dating was okay, and noticing the power of being different was something that was so proudly found all around Madison High. I started to not only be empowered in school, but I’d look for empowerment through social media. Following all these women and latina accounts; I would and still get so jazzed about Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, being the youngest women to become a congresswomen and being Latina. I felt some type of connection. She made me feel like I can be as powerful as her some day.
In hindsight it’s interesting to reflect on what I was insecure about. In these days when there is so much hate against us, I am fueled more than ever to combat that.
For our future, I feel that we have a lot of work to do. Hopefully we are embraced more. However, why don’t we have cultural centers centered around our culture? With that in mind, I want to build and help communities; I wish there were places where kids wanted to go to receive the help they need. Not just school. But life therapists, mentors, tutors so that they have places were they can feel supported. However, at times they are age restricted or have to live there or be affiliated with something and I want that to not be an issue. We have community places, but not community centers for our people and run by us. We need more services for families to become more involved in their children’s education. For example, because there wasn’t an interpreter available, my mother wasn't as actively involved. I wonder how my educational experience could’ve gone different.
Portland needs to have more work done for the Latino community; places like Portland Mercado are great, but there needs to be more. Overall, however, I am proud to be latina, proud to be first generation, and proud to share my story.