I came to the US when I was very young and learned to be Peruvian and American side by side. I learned to navigate both individualist and collectivist cultures, spanish and english languages. When we first moved here I went to a school with a lot of diversity and many immigrants; children who were also going through similar experiences that I could relate with. I spoke Spanish in school a lot.
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That changed when I move to a suburb. Just 20 minutes away and there was a notable decrease in diversity. I started going by “Steff” because I didn’t want to be called Stephanie, even though people often default to this and my full name is “hard to say”. Just introducing myself to people became a source of anxiety.
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Then, I moved to Portland and diversity lessened even more drastically. I was away from home for the first time, living with two American friends instead of my Peruvian family. I started becoming less fluent in Spanish as I was no longer actively speaking it everyday anymore. The longer I lived here, the more I questioned my identity. ¤
Here I get asked the “where are you from” question that is so familiar to people of color because of the way I look. In Peru, I get the same question because of my Americanized accent. Things like this made me feel like I didn’t fully belong anywhere, but now, I am starting to see that this is not necessarily a bad thing. Although I will never be wholly one or another, I can navigate both countries. I am more than my country of origin or citizenship and am happy to have roots in both places. While I often think what my life would be like if my family had stayed in Peru, I am fortunate to call this place my home!